i wanna give up

I regret going this path
its not for me

i really dont wanna meet people
i cant
i dk how to overcome it
shld i see a doctor for this?
but i dont wanna spend money on

I wanna give up

i know i should work harder
but i dont know what's the point
i cant even cut a fish to serve people, how do i even help ppl
lol.. i know thats irrelevent

what am i doing with my life

i cant even help myself how do i help people

but i dont wanna burden people with such small problems.

i cant help but think im  useless
i knowing saying that about myself doesnt help myself get better

but thats all i know how to do...

im losing confidence everyday cos everything i do is wrong, giving wrong info, saying the wrong things..

if im quiet im wrong, if i talk im also wrong, cos i say wrong stuff


tian ah, why am i even born when i cant even do stuff right

one sided

back here to rant lol
this blog's suppose to be about lazy tips but it turned out to be my ranting blog lol.
I don't have anyone that I can tell problems to mah..
but my problems are small anyway.. so dun wanna tell ppl to burden them lor.
or it may seem small to them but it really affects me greatly...

but in this post i shall not rant about sad stuff, i shall rant about my secret lol

and i kinda have a secret that ive been keeping in me that's tearing me apart... lol it may sounds stupid to you, but idky it's mentally torturing the hell out of me.

so the secret is...


i dont swing that way...
hais i still cant say the actual words... maybe bcos i cant accept myself.

I dont wanna tell anyone about this is because i feel that it's not important?
cos i dont think ill ever go into it? but i cant stop my feelings. i hate that i fall to easily..
but i dont think i fall easily to anyone leh.. in poly i didnt to anyone eh.
I think i fall for ppl who care about me.. and those who respond to my lameness..?idk i still cant understand.
but i hope it's puppy ai and i hope that i can get over it soon cos it hurts when... nvm

I sound so dumb right hahaha

somemore wo dont hv the looks and the brains, where got zi ge go and like ppl or even ppl to like me back dui bu dui?

What's the problem with me

I don't know what's wrong with me...

I feel that I'm not normal. ok it's obviouisly im not, by the way i behave.
I have difficulty interacting with ppl and i dont know how to explain it.

Sometimes i think I might be autistic, but then I dont think I am, cos i'm not smart.
Autistic ppl are super smart and talented.

maybe i'm just weird

U know there's a saying you gotta love yourself first before others can.

but it's so hard.. cos im starting to believe im not normal
and bcos of that im scared to go out wtih frens, scared to walk with them, bcos i dont wanna embarass them.

i'll walk behind or infront..

im trying to tell myself that everyone is different, and it's ok to be weird.

I hate it that in public I'll randomly think about stuff and unknowingly talk or nod to myself.
and my fren saw it and thought it was retarded.. and i was quite affected by it even though i know that she was joking.

do i notice i do these weird stuff? ofc i do.. but idk why i do this. 


im not so insecure before... idk why nowadays i start to feel like this.
I wanna find my old self back

Lazy

To be hardworking , motivation is needed
But i got no motivation

So sometimes it’s not bcos we’re lazy, it’s becos we’re unmotivated.

Excuses.

Oh well happy bday to me.
But idk why these days i feel sour.

Sad that things are not the same anymore..
kinda miss the late night chats....

Ah well lets not think abt sad things today!