unexplained sadness

It's suppose to be merry christmas..
however I'm not merry..

today I knew about how bad my horoscope luck is next year...

and next year is kind of a crucial year...
I really dk if I can make it.. im actually very stressed about it but i try not to think about it.

do you know the feeling where you cant talk to anyone about your worries cos u think that its not a big worry so u shouldnt trouble others?

I know if i tell others they will just say it's a small matter.

it's a smaall matter but idk how to solve it
i just dk how to communicate. why am i so insecure

why did i even walk into this
why did they even accept me in this
why did i even sign it.

Idk man my horoscope says that I would be prone to insomnia and depression next year  lol
I somehow know that my career life will be a struggle. i dont even know if i can graduate.

and the sad part is i have to face it alone cos i dun wanna burden ppl.. esp the person that is going to be my future collegue...
our friendship has not been as good as before... and i hv a feeling that when we start work it will get worse because of my character.

and today... when u got a chance to use wa.. it's like you dont wanna talk to me
maybe youre tired,  well u hv other friends...i guess they are better 
and u both are online at the same time again~
I just hope that it's not true
if not ill really be.. idk man


when friendship becomes like this, I'll always blame myself.. isit me? isit cos i cant speak up, isit cos im boring
it's so hard to try to think about fuunny stuff to reply to show that i'm ok and im not sad
but lucky it's easy to hide it in text..
lucky it's the holidays where i can escape reality for abit
lucky my family is home this week and i can disturb my mei to lighten my mood

but do you know the feeling when u feel alone even though there's many ppl around you?


why am i even sad abt this...
it's a small matter right?
maybe im just childish hor?

Im really not looking foward to next year..

I just hope i have the strength to move on.

:)

HEEHEE

On Monday and Tuesday, I felt better about myself LOL.

On mon, we get to be "doctors" for a short while during class.
It was quite fun, and I managed to spot some stuff, like soft tissue swelling! hahaha so yay:P
but i'm still not as pro as my classmates who can spot those hidden fractures.
It was pair work, so not so stressful. Most of the time we were just putting "query fractures" HAHAHA
Lucky I brought laptop hahaha
So I learnt a new term, which is "avulsion", but I am still confused between avulsion and dislocation.

Anyway Tuesday was not as fun as monday.
It was mental torture.
i kept doodling, i tried my best to listen to the first half of the lecture, but I switched off at the end.
but at the end, it kinda relate to my assignment so i switched on again.

well... there was group work on tues, not so bad, cos they asked me for my opinions, unlike someone who tells me i didnt even say a word even though i did....
But they laughed at what i said LOL, but it was a good kind of laugh though hahaha.
I realise ppl dont really take my words seriously. isit bcos i joke too much??
the group topic was abt if the RGs will be liable for blah blah.
then i said "i think both are not liable eh" LOL
y i think they not liable? read on to find out
 
anyway learnt a new term, which is  " avascular necrosis"
ok continuing on....

the group discussion topic's scenario was px in ED for pelvis xray,

rg took xray, didnt see any fracture

next day reporting rg also didnt see any fracture.

so px free to go.

but after i think a few days, px had avascular necrosis and repeat xray with fracture hip.
and the qn is, should both rgs be liable?

then i was thinking maybe the avascular necrosis thing only appear like after a few days and cannot be seen that day? but i didn't know if there's such thing or not.

then in the end is true eh!

i felt a little smarter after that.. hahaha

oh yea another scenario,

px xray got very obvious #

px ask u as a rg, "is there any #?"

will u tell?

Then the lecturer ask those who will tell raise up the hand. 

i no raise up lol, ok bcos i was lazy.

then she started asking those that nvr raise up their hand.

then i started thinking, in case she asked, but she didn't.

my ans would be, "if we tell the px, they would ask us more questions then it will hold up the queue" lol ok thats me joking again. no wonder ppl dont take me seriously hahaha

but yup, we arent suppose to tell, cause it might contradict the doc's reporting, there might be an obvious # but there might be dislocations too, and so later the px will confuse blah blah. 

ok such boring post.

the end

Group work

There's quite a lot of group work in school lately.

I always feel so burden during group work, cos I really can't think of anything to contribute.
And once I finally think of what to say, someone said it already..
Then in the end, I have nothing else to say, and it makes me the non contributer of the group...

Can anyone relate to me?
sigh...

Why can't I think fast :( maybe because I have a natural lazy brain.

and by the time i think of a good idea, the discussion is already over..

There's school tmr.. i dont wanna be a burden to you. cos im a fren that doesnt gv ppl security? like i cant help ppl, or stand up for ppl, idk how to explain.

But I don't know how not to solve my problem. I don't even know if it will be a major problem in the future. I shan't think about it now


I wanna avoid you, so that I wont be a burden, but then, that will make me a bad person.
I still have to face you in the future. I don't know man
I need to think of how to improve myself

after writing this, it makes it seems that my problem is small.
just talk more, be confident jiu can liao mah?
that's what everyone say, but why isit so hard for me to do...
I must be crazy to choose this path.



well this was an emo post..

posting this because I'm lazy to think for assignments alr..
everyone's finishing their first assignment, and I'm barely half way...
well better get back to work.
OR should I slack now and do in sch during break tmr?

My nose is running away

You know what makes us waste the most paper??

It's FLU!

Hate it when I get it..

The Mucus is like never ending...

It's the sticky kind that no matter how much you blow, you'll never blow all out.
Blow until my stomach ache, maybe can have abs hahahaha.

I don't even know if this is flu or sinus or hayfever, but it's related to the nose so I'm just gonna
self diagnose it as flu LOL.


I don't know if I'm getting dumber or what, because I have no idea how to do all my assignments..
I don't know how to phrase, I don't know what to write.. I'm basically screwed man.

Need a  screw driver to unscrew me pls

YO

ok so i'm starting to be "healthier"  step by step LOL.

so... there are so many things I want to change of myself.
1) my acne thingy, I realised it had gotten beyond my control.... Im very sadded :(
at first it's only bad on the left, now it spread to the right also... 

2)weight, i wanna be fitter. Like who no wanna look nicer?
I'm typing this while eating icecream... oh the irony

3) Be more confident.

so the first step is to download apps ahahahah. 

A person told me my face was super dry, so I downloaded plant nanny lol to remind me to drink water, so i needa drink like 2400ml of water per day. The first few days I was quite religious, but after that quite sick of drinking so much water lol...

I saw this trick on youtube, talking with water in your cheeks, so cool! ok that made me drink lotsa water in order to master that trick HAHA. 
And i manage to somehow do it. still practicing!

Ok at least my face is not that dry now.. but the zits are still spreading... isit my hormones??


anyway... downloaded the 30 days fitness app thing.. ok this i didnt follow religiously, not even from the start.. cos wahh the abs one was...... the next day can feel the pain and i dun wanna do it anymore ahahahah

ok thats all folks!

OH yes!! I finished watching "Love, timeless" !
"Reunited worlds" is a little boring now hahaha maybe i'll wait till they complete airing the drama first!

oh yes i watched one anime! it's called "Kotoura-san!" I dont really watch animes, the last time i watched was about vampires, i think it's vampire knight? 

Anyway, the reason i watched this anime is bcos i saw the intro to it on fb. It's about this girl who can mind read, then bcos of that everyone left her, even her mother, and no one wanna be her fren. But there was this unique guy who managed to get close to her, and their romance quite funny!
If you wanna watch it here's the link to the intro to the anime https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3Uc-rFkFrU

Told myself to sleep earlier, but look what time isit now... its almost 2am.......

Telling myself a lot of things but im not doing it.. i should change my name to 讲而已。

Telling myself to get over..... ...  "the bridge"  loool couldn't believe i thought of that.
But it's quite hard.. cos everyday the bridge is like there? Idk man

Second thing i keep telling myself is to study and do some revision, cos i'm last in class liao... still dont wear my socks, how to even pull up my socks u tell me?! Hahaha ...

Instead of studying, I watch show.. haiyo..

Eh but side track abit,
I'm currently following 2 dramas!

1) Love, timeless
2) reunited worlds

Wahhhh Ive nvr been interested in 2 dramas at the same time!

if i find a btr drama i usually gv up the other drama, but these 2 dramas im gonna watch till the end!

<Reunited worlds>
Is a korean drama, the eps are quite short, Less than hr, I Like!

<Love, timeless>
Hmmm this is a taiwan drama, eps are long, but i kinda like the plot, cos fantasy, time travel, some relatable stuff,  ok not really la. But yea~


Gosh i off track on talkingabt dramas lol..

Kk i btr try to sleep soon?..

Do I look like some pro video editor🙈
Im actually just posing, not doing much😂
Still wondering if video is doable for the presentation.

LAZY TIP FOR PRESENTATION: do a vid, and let the video do the presenting.
But somtimes video can be limited, and so tedious to do.
But ppt is more limited.
Some things vid can do, ppt cant do, some things ppt can do, vid cant.

Idk but i enjoy doing both, if it's not academically related, and dont hv those serious formats to follow, and referncing style gosh.

Swing

Swing,

That swing that follows the direction of the wind.

That swing that swings 

I dont even know what i mean.

But unfortunately this swing only swings one way,

And that way society claims is the wrong way.

There used to be kids playing on this swing,

But gradually they prefer to fling.

Because bruises & scars are what they have, 

When they fall off,

that swing.

And they'll nvr come back again to swing.